The past week or so has been horrible in terms of blogging. Maybe you haven't noticed but I definitely do and it bugs me because I expect more out of myself. It's not that I don't want to blog, I do. It's not that I'm super, super busy either.
If I'm being completely honest, I'm not sure what it is exactly...
I like to be honest with you guys so here's honesty.
I wish I was a better blogger. I wish I was better at this blogging stuff. I feel like I SHOULD be. I feel like by now, I should have my shit together and be a super awesome blogging machine. But I just don't know where to start...
I create schedules. I make lists. But there is very rarely any execution. Which makes me frustrated. Even though being frustrated is no use and won't help me. I should stop complaining and whining and just DO IT.
But the thing is, no matter how many ideas I have and how passionate I am about all of them, I just never seem to able to get it all DONE. I want to make blogging work. I do. But looking at the mess that is my schedule right now, I just want to scream.
I'm caught between wanting to be a really great and consistent blogger and being a rather crappy one in reality. And I want to do better. It just makes me frustrated to see the state of my blogging. And it's not like I've ever been organized and on track. It's always been this way which makes me even more angered because WHY? Why can't I get it together even after so long? Why can't I just make it WORK? It makes me want a fresh start.
And so I don't really know what the point of this post is. I feel like I just needed to get it out of my system. This is admitting to you guys and myself that I don't really know how to blog. That I don't have my system figured out. That I'm still in the process of finding what works out for me.
This is probably all really stupid though but ugh, I just don't really know what to do with my blog sometimes. It's either I don't have any ideas but really want to blog or I have tons of ideas but don't know HOW to blog. And I don't understand how to get over that. How to just get over everything and blog like crazy. Because it seems to me that lately, even when I blog, it seems that there's more and more stuff that's piling onto my plate that makes me feel even more hopeless that I'll ever get the hang of this.
So having said that, I think I need some time to just clear things from my mind and work out how to go about blogging and continuing to do so consistently so I don't freak out and break down every other week. Here's to trying to be actually serious about this blog.
So I guess I'll see you guys around... But for now, I think I just need a break. To be able to come back, rejuvenated and to have a fresh start. I don't know why but I've always been fixated on the idea of a fresh start. I know that every day can be a fresh start but... it just doesn't work for me. I NEED a break so this is goodbye. For now.