Monday, February 29, 2016

I've Been Thinking...

I've been thinking lately... Maybe it's time for me to call it quits in blogging.

Not only have I not been posting at all, the more time I spend away from blogging and recently, even reading and commenting on other blogs and interacting with other bloggers, the less motivated I am to return. The more I feel like a failure. The more I feel sucked dry of ideas. The more I hate my blog.

These aren't unfamiliar feelings. I went through a similar period back in 2012 when I, all of a sudden, decided to pack up Random Reads and start a new book blog - the one you're reading right now. But this time around, these feelings FEEL more deeply rooted. And it's got me thinking about this blog but also...

How I'm so grateful for the conversations I've had with so many interesting people all around the world from different walks of life. How I love that I've been able to build friendships simply over our mutual love for books (and don't let anyone tell you internet friends aren't real - that is FALSE). How I'm so appreciative for being able to have this space to freely talk about my emotions and thoughts and have people who care enough to read and sometimes even chat with me about my thoughts after.

I am so so grateful for ALL OF THIS. For the entire book blogging community. I can't even imagine life now without my book blog, without this community. And so it's been difficult for the past few months, really, trying to deal with the idea that maybe this isn't for you anymore.

The truth is, though, I don't know. I don't know if blogging is still for me. But I also don't know if I'm ready to give it up. Even with all the pushing and pulling I've done with myself over the past few months to try, JUST TRY, to get a few more blog posts out each month and each time failing miserably, I still DON'T KNOW if I really, truly can call quits on this blog. Especially since I feel like I haven't given it my all. There's still so much I want to accomplish and I've barely even scraped the surface.

I feel like I've been going back and forth on this same question - is it time to stop blogging? - for the past four months now and each time, my answer is as unsure as the last. And while I still can't say with certainty what the future holds, I think the time I've taken off has really given me space to sit back and reflect. This week, I started checking my Feedly again. I started commenting on blogs again and interacting with other bloggers on Twitter more. And today, I'm writing this post.

I know better now than to promise anything as more often than not, my promises - at least in regards to this blog - go unfulfilled so I'm not going to promise. But can I be at least a little hopeful? Even though I've been hopeful each time I've raised this exact same topic in the past but it feels more genuine this time. And I know this has been a super melodramatic pile of WORD POO but I just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere. And where else but my blog?

Maybe this will be the start of something new.

See you guys around :)

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